why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
