forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
pray to the hookup gods
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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