Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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