Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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