I just gift wrapped bread.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
