Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
