Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
