He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
