I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
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