Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
