Can i not drive my cunt home
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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