we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
