Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
