It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
