Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
She bit a glass in half.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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