Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
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