Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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