2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
