I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
