I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
