I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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