"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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