i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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