tell your sister to shave her snatch
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
