I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
