Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Holy sore nipples Batman
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
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