he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
