we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
