cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
