i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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