I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I party with great urgency now.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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