Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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