walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
