THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
