I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Sorry my hands just texted you
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
