At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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