i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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