I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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