Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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