the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
