God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
