How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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