I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
