I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
