I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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