"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
So much Jack, so little girl.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
