there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
