what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
