Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
