Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
